expanding acceptance
left work at 11p last night and on the drive home, felt subtly bombarded by the vast array of internal feelings. too many to get, to name, to understand. breathed and cried and let the emotional cacophony be, focusing on the ground of being (we share) of Love (Buddha). this feels, however challenging, also like good practice. eventually i arrived home and my mind was distracted by other things like fresh cool wet air and the peace of home.
this morning i had a dream full of alien content: the environment, the beings in it, my way of being were all foreign to me. and yet i was able to be loving, to wakefully care, throughout the dream, without feeling dominated by alarm. after waking, i felt a curious new harmony.
both zen and sophian gnosticism inform this perspective, this practice. it's part of what i mean when i say, "Everyone loves what does. She whispers, 'Love what doesn't.'" what does or doesn't what?! it's easy to love what makes sense, what cooperates, what agrees with our sensibilities, our preferences. the challenge is always that which opposes our preferences, our senses, our perspective on Life. this is what calls for acceptance.
and it's not like i've 'arrived,' but more like my first taste of what i will be continuing to practice. i'm sure there may be times when i fall back into alarm and rejection, but maybe even then, i can remember curiosity and compassion.
hopefully.
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Comment
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Comment by Flint Sparks on December 31, 2011 at 2:04pm -
This all sounds very familiar. It also reminds me of an odd story, a moment of connection almost a year ago when Peg and I were in Taos at the Leadership Pilgrimage Intensive. I was using a portion of a documentary focusing on the artist Agnes Martin. Agnes was a sort of mystic and had lived in Taos until her death about 10 years ago. In order to go from my room to our meeting room I had to walk through the foyer and right by the registration desk at the Mabel Dodge Luhan house where we were meeting. As I passed through this particular afternoon I stopped and asked the woman at the desk if she had known Agnes. I had guessed this woman to be in her 70's and I knew she had lived in Taos for many years. She said yes, she and Agnes had been friends. So, I went a little further and asked if she would mind telling me her favorite Agnes Martin story. She said that they were sharing some chili one day for lunch and she was talking to Agnes about her own painting. She said, "I want to be able to paint change — what changes." She said Agnes simply put down her spoon and, in her words, "went back into that oracle place she would go," and said, "Then you have to understand what doesn't change." She then continued to enjoy the chili. It is the thing that opposes that informs what we easily meet. Happy New Year (I accidentally typed "Happy New Tear" and then corrected it.)
Appamada is not just the occasional mindful thought or attentive state of mind, it’s actually a commitment to being attentive. It’s more than just a meditative state of mind, it’s more than just being mindful. It has to do with that primary ethical or moral orientation we have in life, with which we bring into being whatever activity we’re engaged in. Whether in formal meditation, in our interactions with other people, in our social concerns, or in our political choices, it’s the energetic cherishing of what we regard as good.
—Stephen Batchelor
Events
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Depth in Practice Study Group
January 16, 2012 at 7pm to December 31, 2012 at 7pm – Appamada
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Negotiating the Way: Skillful Means and Invitations to Freedom
January 19, 2012 at 6:30pm to May 17, 2012 at 6:30pm – Appamada
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Zen and Right Use of Power
January 22, 2012 at 7pm to June 10, 2012 at 7pm – Appamada
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March Three Day Intensive
March 30, 2012 at 6:30pm to April 1, 2012 at 5pm – Appamada
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